When you are face to face with difficulty then you are up for discovery…
Posted by elizabethgomez on September 10, 2009
It is painful to face how we harm others. I made a commitment a long time ago to being mindful and practice gentlenss, compassion, and honesty. Because of mindfulness I see my desires. my aggression, my jealousy, and my ignorance at times. Because of mindfulness I do not act on them, I just see them. Without practicing mindfulness I would not see them. As I became more wholehearted in this journey of being mindful it came as a shock to realize how much I blinded myself to some of the ways I cause harm to people. I could not hear people trying to tell me that I was causing them harm in the way I was relating to them. I became so used to the way I did things that somehow I thought that others were used to it too.
I have a unique situation with my mom right now. I am still mourning the loss of my papi. I still think about him and cry. Since his death I have not gone over to my mom’s house. I feel awful. That was the last place I saw him alive and the place where I saw him dead. I do not want to go there and while this is what I typically do when something is too difficult to deal with. I shut down, I realized that I can not be this way. My mom still lives there, and we need each other to get through this. The most fundamental harm we can do to ourselves is to remain ignorant by not having the courage and the respect to look at ourselves honestly. I am trying to do that. I am being gentle with myself but looking at myself honestly.
I have realized that in staying away I am hurting my mom. I am hurting myself by not facing my fears. Being mindful helps us relate to all the details of our lives. Because of mindfulness I was able to work towards getting back in touch with my mom. Maybe my relationship with my mom is not what I want it to be, but I still have one and it needs to be valued, and nurtured.
Sometimes when we are faced with difficulty there can be discovery.. even without your eyes open you can see the world around you, and apperciate all that is there.
Peace and love to all who enter here
