Looking back at my life so far I have realized that at times I found myself between two worlds in an effort to meet what I feel are some basic human needs. The need to feel important and the need to think of myself as a good person. Someone who deserved the approval of other good people. I think we all have the need to know that we matter to the world, and that the world takes us seriously. I remember having all these thoughts and asking myself these questions when I would go and sit with my papi before he died. I remembered thinking what does he know that I do not. What I saw was a man that did not fear death. He felt that he had lived a long satisying life. I know too that he felt the pain of his sickness and I think he felt that only in death could he be released from his pain. I saw his will to live, but also saw that he was O.K. with his won impending death. I have seen at times the people that fear death the most are the people that feel that they never did anything worthwhile in their lives. Those people spend the last part of their lives wishing they had more time, and thinking in the “if only” frame of mind. My papi I feel knew he was leaving his mark in this world. He was not frightened or felt insignificant. It was hard to see all this yet it was one of the most beautiful acts I have ever seen the human spirit go through. I learned with all of this that while I still feel the need to know I matter, I have let go of expectaions. I live in the moment, and try to leave my mark not only in this worl but in those people that mean so much to me.
Peace and love
