Be aware of what is within…

It’s never too late to be what you might have been.
- George Elliot

Lately I have been doing a lot of self reflecting, and meditating. Self reflection helps us heal our lives. The first step in any process of change involves facing and accepting the problem that needs changing.

In doing this I have found that there is much that needs to be changed and I am happy that I have the power and the will to make these changes. More to come at a later date, until then peace and love….

Live like you are dying

I found myself missing my papi very much today, yet remembering a memory and smiling. With the smile came tears. I was remembering two weeks before my Papi died my mom, Jen, and I took him to Strong hospital which was to be his last appointment, we just did not know it.

When we were driving around the hospital my papi noticed a hot dog stand. He said on the way out if the vendor was still there could we please stop to get him a hot dog. We all said sure, we all could go for one too. It was a warm and suny day. My papi was happy that day, he was happy because he had made it to this appointment, he was happy to be alive.

So we entered the doctors office, and in a instant my life changed forever. I saw the x-rays of my papi’s lungs. There was no part of any of his lungs that were healthy. The doctor listened to his lungs, then I asked to listen to his lungs they sounded like leaves crunching under your feet. The doctor told us we needed to make him as comfortable as possible, and raise the oxygen when he needed it. We walked out of the office with a scrip for morphine. The walk back to the car was somber, yet my papi kept the mood positive. He talked about how finally the weather for his standards was perfect then out of no where he said are we still going to get some hot dogs ? We all began to laugh.

My papi was not scared, or angry, or even upset. He was maybe without knowing it being very mindful of that moment. He was happy because it was a beautiful day and he wanted a hot dog. We blocked traffic and we got him a hot dog, we joined him and ate one too.

Life is so much more enjoyable when you stop and appreciate the little things. My papi taught me that in the last months of his life. I learned to except things I can not change. I learned to be more mindful of moments that make me happy. I learned to put myself out there to people even if that means getting hurt. Life is beautiful.

While I find myself missing him, I also find myself appreciating every last lesson about life that he taught me.

Peace and love to all.

There is something……

So I was watching a movie the other day, called my Sister’s Keeper. During one of the scenes of the movie they played a beautiful song the words are below. As I read the lyrics, I began to think about what feels like home to me. I think we all at times need to take a sort of inventory when it comes to what we have in our lives. What makes us who we are. What people bring joy into our world. While this year was hard with the death of my father, I still have a life that is worth living. A life that needs to be lived to the fullest. I have a sense of peace in knowing I do have so much good in my life and the people in it I hold them near my heart always, because of them I know it will always feel like “I am all the way back where I belong.”

Lyrics to “Feels like home”-

There’s something in your eyes
Makes me wanna lose my self,
Makes me wanna lose myself in your arms
There’s something in your voice
That makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts
For the rest of my life

If you knew how lonely
My life has been
And how long I’ve been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you’ve done

It feels like home to me
It feels like home to me
It feels like I’m all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me
It feels like home to me
It feels like I’m all the way back where I belong

A window breaks down a long dark street
And a siren rings in the night
But I’m all right cuz I have you here with me,
And I can almost see through the dark there is light

Well if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I’ve waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I’d love anyone so much

It feels like home to me
It feels like home to me
It feels like I’m all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me
It feels like home to me
It feels like I’m all the way back where I belong

It feels like I’m all the way back where I belong.

Peace and love to all …..