November 7, 2009 at 10:47 am (Blogroll, Health and Wellness, Peace, alternative lifestyle, compassion, day to day, death, family, happiness, home, life, mindfulness, pain, parents, people, positive thinking, relationships, self awareness, self image, simple living, suffering, transition)
Looking back at my life so far I have realized that at times I found myself between two worlds in an effort to meet what I feel are some basic human needs. The need to feel important and the need to think of myself as a good person. Someone who deserved the approval of other good people. I think we all have the need to know that we matter to the world, and that the world takes us seriously. I remember having all these thoughts and asking myself these questions when I would go and sit with my papi before he died. I remembered thinking what does he know that I do not. What I saw was a man that did not fear death. He felt that he had lived a long satisying life. I know too that he felt the pain of his sickness and I think he felt that only in death could he be released from his pain. I saw his will to live, but also saw that he was O.K. with his won impending death. I have seen at times the people that fear death the most are the people that feel that they never did anything worthwhile in their lives. Those people spend the last part of their lives wishing they had more time, and thinking in the “if only” frame of mind. My papi I feel knew he was leaving his mark in this world. He was not frightened or felt insignificant. It was hard to see all this yet it was one of the most beautiful acts I have ever seen the human spirit go through. I learned with all of this that while I still feel the need to know I matter, I have let go of expectaions. I live in the moment, and try to leave my mark not only in this worl but in those people that mean so much to me.
Peace and love
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October 29, 2009 at 10:10 pm (Blogroll, Health and Wellness, Peace, alternative lifestyle, compassion, day to day, death, family, happiness, home, mindfulness, pain, parents, people, positive thinking, relationships, self awareness, self image, self- esteem, simple living, simplify, suffering, transition)
Tags: compassion, day to day, family, friends, happiness, Health, home, life, mindfulness, relationships, self- esteem
As the third month of my papi’s death is right around the corner, I begin to think of his funeral. The last couple of months I have thought about different things, and struggled to get through so much. Yet today I found myself thinking of his funeral.
I remember the day of his wake we came in early. My two sister’s and I. I walked in and cried when I saw him laying alone, cold in his casket. There was a moment when my two sister’s who were there walked out and I found myself standing there alone. I looked at him and I remember thinking this is what grief feels like. Loving someone so much, yet having to let them go. Having to let so many pieces of them go. My life would never be the same.
Moments later friendly face after friendly face poured into the room. They smiled, they murmered encouraging words, they shared memories, they cried with me, they held me, and I remember thinking before all these people poured into the room, as I stood there alone near my papi, “how the hell am I going to get through this.” Yet with every person that came and went I felt at ease. There were moments where I was even able to smile and encourage my sister’s, my mom, and others who loved my papi. I remember thinking and feeling so much gratitude for friends, and so blessed for family. It was their love and their support that helped get me through this.
What I realized is that there is nothing is this world like a true friend. There is nothing like having a good loving family to hold you and support you when life tries to knock you down.
All my family and friends still continue to help me get through the death of my papi and other life’s obstacles.
I like this line from a Paul McCarthy song ” I get by with a little help from my friends.” Be good to your friends.
Love, peace and happiness to all who enter here.
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October 15, 2009 at 3:05 pm (Blogroll, Health and Wellness, Peace, compassion, day to day, death, family, happiness, home, life, mindfulness, pain, parents, people, positive thinking, relationships, self awareness, self image, simple living, simplify, suffering, transition)
Tags: compassion, day to day, death, family, friends, happiness, Health, home, life, love, mindfulness, news, relationships
My Papi’s death has reshaped the I look at my life. I have been forced to confront his mortality and mine.
I had to acknowledge that even the longest and successful of lives would one day end. I had never known a day of my life without my papi. Now I have found myself summing up his life and seeing what was left. My papi was an active and in my opinion a successful man for many years. Now I would see which of all his achievements died with him and which ones remained to give him a measure of immortality. I began to see that he did leave a sort of legacy.I started to think what aspects of my own life would outlast me and keep my memory and name alive.
Asking myself these questions I have realized no matter who we are we all leave our mark in this world, and with people. My papi left his, and I will leave mine. Realizing this has made the pain subside a little when I think about all the wonderful people including me that my papi touched.
The need for meaning is not a biological need like food or water.It is not a psychological need like self esteem. It is a need that we all have within our souls, and while I struggle day to day since he has died. Accepting his death has allowed me to ask myself some questions that my soul needs answered.
I do not have all the answers, but I am working through all of this, and I am a happier person because of it.
Peace and love to all who enter here.
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