Our minds are riddled by confusion…..

The key I think to changing our habbits, in particular the habbits of our mind is realizing certain things.

We create our situation by how we use our minds. How we keep patternining our responces to life in the same old, predictable way.

I had a situation the other day. A good friend was appearing to be having a bad day. My responce was, well, to fix it. The whole situation was hauntingly familiar. Why I caught myself this time, falling into that pattern, I do not know. It probably was a result of me looking at myself honestly the last couple of months and asking myself some pretty hard questions that I refused to allow myself to ignore.

At any rate that day I caught it. Right there in the middle of a very habitual state of mind, I saw what I was doing. I also stopped it. Maybe a little late after I showed this person way too much of myself.

I felt like a wheel that had been turning in a habitual direction in my mind was now turning around. I am not saying it was easy. This kind of way of thinking is something I am learning to apply to my everyday life.

Did this person want me to fix things, no they just wanted to be. I relaized too when my feelings are hurt it is nearly always my interpertation of what has happened or what was said that causes pain. That has been a very habitual pattern for me too. One that I continue to work on. So far this has brought revolutionary changes in how I percieve things. While I still realize habitual ways are a way of life to a certain extent, I know enough now to stop certain patterns that are toxic to me and to those around me.
That has made all the difference…

Peace and love to all who enter here.

MYSELF FIRST…

Some people think it is selfish of me to talk like this. I have conversations with friends and family and they look at me, with some hesitation and disbelief that I am even thinking like that. Well to those I say think again, it is not selfish to want to put yourself first. You have to. I often thought who will take care of me should I get sick, or who will help me get through all this, I surely can not do it on my own, When the reality of it all is, I will take care of me, I will get through this. The word “I” is not selfish.

I started really looking at myself when I realized I was falling into the pattern of serving the people I love first, before I was serving myself. I realized if I continue to put other people first, there was a tendency for others to depreciate me, and to lose respect for me. I know at times respect for another comes from an understanding that that person has their own wishes, dreams and desires. I had mine but they were second. Could it be possible to have equal concerns for me and for another. Yes it was possible.

I realized taking care of myself improved my capacity to take care of others. If I was not fulfilled, I was only able to see others through the filter of my own needs. If I am doing this for them then this is what they need to do for me. If we do not feel love, kindness and compassion for ourselves we can never really know what they are and never really truly feel them for another person. I realized it is easy to put myself first, and at times it only took a moment.

While those close to me have found this to be a gradual transition, for me it was something that just clicked one day and I began to put myself first immediately.

With the death of my papi I noticed at times family wondered where I was. Should I not be with them ?, helping them get through this. Well I could be of no use to them if I was not helping myself get through this. It is still like that. I still struggle and when I struggle I do it on my own, Only I know what I need.

One of the things I noticed that I was doing to help me be “mindless” was sweeping. Sounds weird but try it. Sweeping is the most productive way to be mindless. If you sweep a floor that actually needs to be swept, (an attic, a kitchen ).You are being productive yet “mindless” Sweeping can also be the most “mindful” way to be unproductive. Yesterday I found myself sweeping a sidewalk that had grass clippings I was never going to get all the clippings yet I kept sweeping, only sweeping. Nothing else. It is calming and nice.

So be good to yourself, and be good to others.

Peace and love all who enter here….

Simplicity

This year Jen and I have taken vows, not marriage vows, ( I wish ) vows of another kind. we decided as a whole that we need to do away with a lot of what we think we need, or what we think makes us happy.

We started off the New Year kind of like the spring, we cleaned house. Since the attic became a 4th room we have started to store a lot of “things” we do not need in the office and the office closet. So we cleaned out the closet in the office and now what is left are our winter, fall, and spring jackest. Thats it. We also went through our closets and donated alot of clothes. We went through the entire house with the same intention —SIMPLIFY!!! . So much of what we have are impulse buys, things we really don’t need, or things in that moment we thought we had to have to make us happy. Well we just don’t want to live like that anymore. So this year we vowed to stop that kind of “need to have it” behavior. We are over that. We are very happy with what we have.

Another way we think works for us to simplify is to get rid of debt While we know we will always have some form of debt, we wanted to do away with most of it. I started the process about two years ago, to date everything is paid in full, except for one store card and our mortgage. We are saving and don’t feel as unhappy in our jobs because we know we can walk away, if and when we want to, and we would be okay for awhile. When the need to work is so great, then the things that annoy you about your job are magnafied because you feel your stuck. I know Jen felt like that before and for the first part of our relationship. Now I work part time, and we manage just fine. we are happy because we are making all of this work.

Some other things we started doing is accepting ourselves and appreciationg our health. For a long time I always thought losing weight would make me happy. Well I lost weight, but the happiness came much later. We realized for us its not about being skinny for us its about being healthy. While I may never be the perfect size others think is the best. Jen and I are both healthy, we eat well, and we make the time to take care of ourselves.

So far the year is off to a great start, and we really feel as a family and as a couple we are off on the right track. We hope to continue on this path to what will soon be for us “simple living” .