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I found myself missing my papi very much today, yet remembering a memory and smiling. With the smile came tears. I was remembering two weeks before my Papi died my mom, Jen, and I took him to Strong hospital which was to be his last appointment, we just did not know it.
When we were driving around the hospital my papi noticed a hot dog stand. He said on the way out if the vendor was still there could we please stop to get him a hot dog. We all said sure, we all could go for one too. It was a warm and suny day. My papi was happy that day, he was happy because he had made it to this appointment, he was happy to be alive.
So we entered the doctors office, and in a instant my life changed forever. I saw the x-rays of my papi’s lungs. There was no part of any of his lungs that were healthy. The doctor listened to his lungs, then I asked to listen to his lungs they sounded like leaves crunching under your feet. The doctor told us we needed to make him as comfortable as possible, and raise the oxygen when he needed it. We walked out of the office with a scrip for morphine. The walk back to the car was somber, yet my papi kept the mood positive. He talked about how finally the weather for his standards was perfect then out of no where he said are we still going to get some hot dogs ? We all began to laugh.
My papi was not scared, or angry, or even upset. He was maybe without knowing it being very mindful of that moment. He was happy because it was a beautiful day and he wanted a hot dog. We blocked traffic and we got him a hot dog, we joined him and ate one too.
Life is so much more enjoyable when you stop and appreciate the little things. My papi taught me that in the last months of his life. I learned to except things I can not change. I learned to be more mindful of moments that make me happy. I learned to put myself out there to people even if that means getting hurt. Life is beautiful.
While I find myself missing him, I also find myself appreciating every last lesson about life that he taught me.
Peace and love to all.
