September 23, 2009 at 1:43 pm (Blogroll, Health and Wellness, compassion, day to day, death, dreams, family, happiness, home, life, positive thinking, transition)
Tags: day off, death, dreams, family, happiness, Health, home, life, relationships, sleep
So I had a really weird dream last night. I dreamt that I had died. Then I was with my papi, making dinner because we were both dead. Why we needed to eat if we were dead ?, well that is kind of strange. I started to tell my papi I did not want to be dead I was too young to die. I told him I was going to call someone to see ( even though I was dead ) if they could still hear me. So I picked up the phone and I called my sister Betty. I was talking and she could not hear me. I started to cry. My papi held me and I just wanted to be alive. Then…..
I woke up. I was happy that it was a dream but sad because everything seemed so real in my dream. My papi was with me.
Does anyone know what this all means ? To dream of yourself being dead ? and to dream of someone who has died ?
Peace and love to all who enter here.
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September 18, 2009 at 11:38 am (Blogroll, Health and Wellness, compassion, day to day, family, happiness, home, life, mindfulness, positive thinking, simple living, transition)
Tags: day off, family, friends, happiness, Health, home, life, mindfulness, relationship, Snow, Weekend
I have been know to hide for days. Friends and family always say the same thing when I get back in the loop “where have you been?”
We all know that technological advances have made connection easier than ever before. They have also led me to believe that breaking away is a violation of the social order. Friends and family call all day long and when they can not reach me on a land line they call me on my cell phone, when that does not work, they text me, e-mail me and so on. Then when they finally get a hold of me I am chastised for not returning phone calls. I am chastised as though the ability to communicate with them in half a dozen ways makes constant attention to every one of them morally imperitive.
During these times I find myself wanting to become downright Amish. I become even more commited to avoiding all modern technology. I unplug phones, turn off my cell phone, and avoid computers. I have come to realize that if I do not lose touch with them I will lose touch with me. Silence is golden.
My ability to connect with others I feel is a resource much more precious than even money, so I need to manage it well. I have realized that there are those I feel more bonded to than others, and I have seen in those the return in my investment is a good one. I feel enriched and good. Others not so much, afterwards I feel robbed and depleted.
So to those of you that feel as I do. That are known in your families or with friends as a hermit or the weird one who at times disconnects, and does not care. I know what you are feeling and it is not wrong to feel that way.
The crispness of the fall air has reminded me that a weekend or even a day of disconnecting is in order soon. The winter months for me at least are a perfect time to disconnect.
Silence is golden and realizing that while still being a part of this modern world has given me the ability to not lose touch with myself.
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September 10, 2009 at 5:46 pm (Blogroll, Health and Wellness, compassion, day to day, death, family, happiness, home, life, mindfulness, positive thinking, simple living, transition)
Tags: compassion, day off, death, family, happiness, Health, home, life, love, mindfulness, mom
It is painful to face how we harm others. I made a commitment a long time ago to being mindful and practice gentlenss, compassion, and honesty. Because of mindfulness I see my desires. my aggression, my jealousy, and my ignorance at times. Because of mindfulness I do not act on them, I just see them. Without practicing mindfulness I would not see them. As I became more wholehearted in this journey of being mindful it came as a shock to realize how much I blinded myself to some of the ways I cause harm to people. I could not hear people trying to tell me that I was causing them harm in the way I was relating to them. I became so used to the way I did things that somehow I thought that others were used to it too.
I have a unique situation with my mom right now. I am still mourning the loss of my papi. I still think about him and cry. Since his death I have not gone over to my mom’s house. I feel awful. That was the last place I saw him alive and the place where I saw him dead. I do not want to go there and while this is what I typically do when something is too difficult to deal with. I shut down, I realized that I can not be this way. My mom still lives there, and we need each other to get through this. The most fundamental harm we can do to ourselves is to remain ignorant by not having the courage and the respect to look at ourselves honestly. I am trying to do that. I am being gentle with myself but looking at myself honestly.
I have realized that in staying away I am hurting my mom. I am hurting myself by not facing my fears. Being mindful helps us relate to all the details of our lives. Because of mindfulness I was able to work towards getting back in touch with my mom. Maybe my relationship with my mom is not what I want it to be, but I still have one and it needs to be valued, and nurtured.
Sometimes when we are faced with difficulty there can be discovery.. even without your eyes open you can see the world around you, and apperciate all that is there.
Peace and love to all who enter here
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