October 15, 2009 at 3:05 pm (Blogroll, Health and Wellness, Peace, compassion, day to day, death, family, happiness, home, life, mindfulness, pain, parents, people, positive thinking, relationships, self awareness, self image, simple living, simplify, suffering, transition)
Tags: compassion, day to day, death, family, friends, happiness, Health, home, life, love, mindfulness, news, relationships
My Papi’s death has reshaped the I look at my life. I have been forced to confront his mortality and mine.
I had to acknowledge that even the longest and successful of lives would one day end. I had never known a day of my life without my papi. Now I have found myself summing up his life and seeing what was left. My papi was an active and in my opinion a successful man for many years. Now I would see which of all his achievements died with him and which ones remained to give him a measure of immortality. I began to see that he did leave a sort of legacy.I started to think what aspects of my own life would outlast me and keep my memory and name alive.
Asking myself these questions I have realized no matter who we are we all leave our mark in this world, and with people. My papi left his, and I will leave mine. Realizing this has made the pain subside a little when I think about all the wonderful people including me that my papi touched.
The need for meaning is not a biological need like food or water.It is not a psychological need like self esteem. It is a need that we all have within our souls, and while I struggle day to day since he has died. Accepting his death has allowed me to ask myself some questions that my soul needs answered.
I do not have all the answers, but I am working through all of this, and I am a happier person because of it.
Peace and love to all who enter here.
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October 6, 2009 at 10:36 pm (Blogroll, Peace, compassion, day to day, death, family, happiness, home, life, mindfulness, pain, parents, suffering)
Tags: compassion, day to day, death, family, father, friends, happiness, home, love, mother
So I went to see my mom tonight. When I was leaving my mom ran after me to give me something. It was a hat my Papi would wear. He wore it mostly when he had to do yardwork, or spent any amout of time in the sun. He bought it while on vacation in Mexico. I loved him in that hat, and he knew it. I would drive by after work sometimes and if he had it on and was outside he would smile, take it off, and wave to me with it. A nice memory to have of him.
So tonight my mom gave it to me. His scent is still in it and it made me feel close to him. My mom said my papi wanted me to have it. I felt overwhelmed with happiness and sadness. I cried a bit, then put it on looked at myself in the mirror and smiled.
Peace and love to all who enter here.
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October 4, 2009 at 12:16 am (Blogroll, Health and Wellness, Holistic Heath, compassion, day to day, death, family, happiness, home, life, mindfulness, pain, people, positive thinking)
Tags: day to day, death, family, friends, happiness, home, life, love, mindfulness, pain, relationships, suffering
Generally speaking, we regard discomfort in any form as bad news. For certain people though, people who have a hunger to know what is true- feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritaion, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear instead of being bad news are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we are holding back. They are like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we are stuck.
Those events and people in our lives who trigger our unresolved issues could be regarded as good news. We do not have to look for anything. We do not need to create situations in which we reach our limits, they occur all by themselves. Each day, I feel, we are given opportunities to open up or shut down.
The most precious opportunity presents itself when we come to a place where we think we can not handle whatever is happening. When we feel like things have gone to far, it is too much, or we feel bad about ourselves. When we feel there is no way we can manipulate the situation to make ourselves come out looking good. No matter how hard we try nothing seems to work. Basically life has us nailed to a wall.
Most of us do not look at these situatios as teachings. We automatically hate them, we run away from them , we use all kinds of things to escape. I feel like all addictions stem from moments when we are pushed to the edge and we can not stand it.
I have had moments over the last two months where I feel I can sink or swim. I have had moments where I have found myself being pushed to the edge of feeling hopeless, and just wanting something to allow me to escape. I have tried lots of things perscription pills, and at times alcohol. Sometimes I have combined the two. Sure fixes,or so I thought for the moment. I felt like I was being pushed to the edge and that is why I took a pill, or had a couple fo drinks. Not realizing taking that pill and drinking what was actually pushing me to the edge. In drinking, and taking that pill, I discovered a very dark place. In finding that dark place I became depressed. While I have worked through some of my depression it is still a part of my life. The difference now is that I look at these moments to teach me.
While I still stuggle to stay away from those quick fixes, more times than not I find myself embracing those moments of discomfort. I have learned to take it all in. I have let the pain of life touch my heart and have turned it into compassion.
Peace and love to all who enter here….
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