When King Lear dies in act 5 of Shakespeare’s tragedy he writes, “he dies”. That is all nothing more. No fanfare, no metaphor, no brilliant final words. The culmination of the most influential work of dramatic literature is “he dies.” It takes Shakespeare, a genius to come up with “he dies”, and yet reading those words for the first time I found myself overwhelmed with dysphoria. I know it is only natural to be sad but not because of the words “he dies”, but because of the life we saw prior to the words. My father’s life ended with a simple and modest, “he died.” Life is a special occasion rise to it. Peace and love.

The connection we make with others, both superficial and profound, most often begins with the spoken word. We use words to convey what we think, and we use words to express how we feel. When we are trying to deepen our connections or resovle differences we typically use the power of the spoken or written word. More often than not what we say and how we say it determines the quality of any relationship.

If there is one thing that any one of us could do that would automatically improve the quality of our relationships, it would be to become more conscious of what we say and how we say it. All of our relatiosnhips would be changed and transformed when we change and transform ourselves.

An important reason for staying conscious in our speech is to avoid later regrets. We can use words skilfully or unconsciously. We can use words to heal or to hurt. Our words can help us fulfill our highest intentions. I think it would really help all of us if, before we speak, we could stop just for a momment to make certain that what we are about to say accurately reflects our hearts intentions.

There is nothing more frustrating to me than having a conversation with someone and having to explain over and over how I feel. When you speak from your heart that is your truth. When the reciever does not listen, does not validate you well then that person is not worthly of your truth or your words. Easier said than done, but that is a change that I have promised myself to keep. No more waisting my energy and time on these people.

Peace and love…

I found myself missing my papi very much today, yet remembering a memory and smiling. With the smile came tears. I was remembering two weeks before my Papi died my mom, Jen, and I took him to Strong hospital which was to be his last appointment, we just did not know it.

When we were driving around the hospital my papi noticed a hot dog stand. He said on the way out if the vendor was still there could we please stop to get him a hot dog. We all said sure, we all could go for one too. It was a warm and suny day. My papi was happy that day, he was happy because he had made it to this appointment, he was happy to be alive.

So we entered the doctors office, and in a instant my life changed forever. I saw the x-rays of my papi’s lungs. There was no part of any of his lungs that were healthy. The doctor listened to his lungs, then I asked to listen to his lungs they sounded like leaves crunching under your feet. The doctor told us we needed to make him as comfortable as possible, and raise the oxygen when he needed it. We walked out of the office with a scrip for morphine. The walk back to the car was somber, yet my papi kept the mood positive. He talked about how finally the weather for his standards was perfect then out of no where he said are we still going to get some hot dogs ? We all began to laugh.

My papi was not scared, or angry, or even upset. He was maybe without knowing it being very mindful of that moment. He was happy because it was a beautiful day and he wanted a hot dog. We blocked traffic and we got him a hot dog, we joined him and ate one too.

Life is so much more enjoyable when you stop and appreciate the little things. My papi taught me that in the last months of his life. I learned to except things I can not change. I learned to be more mindful of moments that make me happy. I learned to put myself out there to people even if that means getting hurt. Life is beautiful.

While I find myself missing him, I also find myself appreciating every last lesson about life that he taught me.

Peace and love to all.